I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
