Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
