like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
