Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
