yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
