Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
