The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
