There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
