Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
