So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How naked do you want me to be?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
