my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
