Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
