were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
