remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
