even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
