I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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