the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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