just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
