I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
