Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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