jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
