You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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