Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
