I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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