so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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