My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
