I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
