After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
