god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
