Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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