3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
