do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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