where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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