I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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