I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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