In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
