Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
