I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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