then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
