so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
