who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
