piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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