we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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