he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
