I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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