Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
