one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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