oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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