I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
