So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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