If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
