Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
