I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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