You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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