She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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