If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
