Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
