That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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