oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
