It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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