You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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