hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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