Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
