Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
