just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize