a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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