No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
