What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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