I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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